song to say goodbye. libby.

[Nazim Vaisey]

dear libby,[/font][/size]

Do you remember when everything was simple and you at least knew whether someone was bad or good? I can, and I think I've been lost for a long time since then. Last year I may have said some stuff to you, I can't exactly remember what it was (well, I can, really, but I'm not going to repeat it) and I just wanted to tell you, or really, I wanted to make sure you didn't think I was leading you on. I don't know you. Didn't ever really have the chance to, not that you gave me one, but so it goes, right? And there's stuff you don't know about me. Not that it matters, but that's the truth.

Maybe you can get over the fact that I'm in Slytherin, or maybe you can't. That's up to you. I'm done trying to win you over. You can make your own choices, and I can make mine, and if you decide this is it, that you don't want to talk to me anymore, then fine. I'll find someone who does trust me, and who does think I'm nice, and who maybe sees me as more than someone who gets a lot of girls. Because you know, I actually did care about you. I guess you just didn't see it. Maybe I didn't see it either. I was confused. But it's too late now, I'm thinking, since I haven't seen you since the beginning of term. Maybe I'm just too dark and shady for you.

whatever,
nazim vaisey[/font][/size]

[Liberty Martin]

nazzy,

I've spent a long time trying to work out how to reply to this. I wrote three different versions when I should have been doing Potions homework, and none of them were right. So now I'm not doing my DADA essay instead. I just...I'm confused. I've read your letter so many times, and it still feels like it's out of the blue. I know it's been a while, with the summer hols and all that happened before that, and I know a lot has changed since the Battle, but I thought we were friends don't understand.

You knew me. Merlin's beard, I told you things in our letters that I never would have been able to say out loud. I don't know why you think that I didn't give you a chance to get to know me, but I suppose maybe you didn't know me last year. I was terrified. Getting to know people wasn't exactly the top of my priority list - I just wanted to stay alive in a world where my friends weren't being rounded up and killed because of who their parents were. You're in the DA. You get that, right? I can't talk to people. Even now, I can't. You knew much more about me through writing than you ever would have found out if we'd first met in person.

Why would I think that of you? You're a good person, Nazzy. You have had to be one way with your housemates because of circumstances. You were always nice to me. I don't care what house you're in. I don't care how much magical blood your parents have or whether you can produce a Patronus. Isn't that why we fought? So people can be friends with whoever they like? I've never thought we should be separated by house, or purity. People are people. You get nice ones, and you get jerks. I thought you were the former. Now I'm just confused.

I like you. I don't think I understand you, though.

love,
libby

P.S. I've just read this through before going to the Owlery, now that I've done my essay. I'm sorry if I sound short, I'm really not. I just don't get why you think like this. Term's only just started. I've barely unpacked, and I'm still homesick. I've caught up with pretty much none of the DA. The fact that I've not managed to find you yet isn't anything personal. And I'm tired, so I'm not writing another letter. I'll run out of parchment and I have a feeling we're going to be needing a lot of that this year for all the essays they're going to set us. And I'm sorry this post script is half as long as the letter itself. I suppose I always was more eloquent on paper. L

[Nazim Vaisey]

dear libby,[/font][/size]

Sorry if I came off a little harsh. I actually didn't mean to send that letter. It was one of those confrontational ones; the ones where you write it but then you don't send it. It's supposed to be therapeutic or something, but it didn't help me much. I kept getting really anxious and then you didn't write back for awhile and I thought, well, why would she. I kept seeing you in the dining hall, and I wanted to say something to you, and I would have, but I just got so defensive, and then I'd see someone else I used to be really close to and I'd just get all ashamed. I don't know what to tell you. It's been a really really difficult summer, and this year has been even worse.

Do you still want to practice those spells? The really hard ones. I get it if you don't want to. Sorry this letter is so short. I was in a hurry and I thought maybe the other one scared you so, I wanted to be short and sweet and cliched apparently. Haha!

love,
nazzy[/font][/size]

[Liberty Martin]

nazzy,

You know what I find even more therapeutic? Burning the letters afterwards. Particularly if you're mad at someone. Then you can watch the flames eat away at the paper until it's getting too close to your fingers to hold anymore, and you can be like, 'hah, that's what I think of you'. Not that I've ever done that or anything. But you should come and talk to me if you see me. I'm not a scary person. In fact, I'm the least scary person I know. I couldn't say boo to a goose...not that I know why one would want to say that to a goose. And I've been told I'm a good listener. I might not have advise or anything, but I can listen.

Did I tell you I got made prefect? I don't understand it really, because it's me. I can't lead people, or tell people off or whatever, but yeah. I'm scared of it, actually. I don't know that I can be who they expect me to be. I'm not good with responsibility. But at least I have an excuse for all my late-night wanderings now. I've spent six years trying to avoid detention for those.

Yes, I'd love to practise those spells still! I think I'm going to need all the practise I can get if I'm ever going to pass my NEWTs, and I can't believe I'm thinking about them already.

I like short and sweet and clichéd. Just saying.

love,
libby

[Nazim Vaisey]

dear libby,[/font][/size]

You didn't do that to all of our old letters, did you? I still have all yours in a shoebox under my bed. Last year one of my "Slytherin buddies" almost found it. He was just about ready to open the box and see what was inside so I did the only thing I could do. I told him there were derogatory magazines. I hope you're not too offended. I only had the best intentions. Though, oh Merlin! Never mind. Haha.

I know you're not scary. I don't know what happened. I think I was just ashamed. Ugh. It's been a really bad year. A bad, bad, bad, bad year. I mean, you know a lot of it, but not even everything. I wish I had told you before, but I couldn't. I was way too freaked out.

Hey congratulations! I'm not sure who Slytherin's prefect is. If we don't have one I should definitely try out for it. Then I could hang out with you in the common room! And yeah, less trouble for me to get in! Whoo! I'm so proud of you.

All right. Let's make it a date. Well, not a date. But you know what I mean. Yeah, cliche again. At least you like them.

love,
nazzy[/font][/size]

[Liberty Martin]

dear nazzy,

Oh Merlin, no. I only do that with letters I write to people and then don't send. And then only very occasionally. I've still got all of yours. They kept me somewhat sane last year, I'm not getting rid of them anytime soon. I'm glad you didn't let him read them, I don't care what you had to say to make that happen. I'd be really uncomfortable if I knew someone other than you had read them.

It's been the worst year ever. I'm with you on that, one hundred percent. It's okay. I told you a lot, but I couldn't have told you everything. I was too scared. I think we all were. Are you staying in the DA this year? I think Ginny and Luna are running it now Neville's left.

Thanks. I don't think you can try out, though, I think they just decide. I had a badge in with my book list. I thought it had got into the wrong envelope and tried to give it back when I saw Prof Sprout. And then she told me it wasn't a mistake and I still tried to give it back. I'm not sure I can cope with it on top of everything else. But since apparently you can't refuse, I'll let you know when I'm on patrol and we can creep round the castle together.

I know what you mean. What classes are you taking this year?

love,
libby

[Nazim Vaisey]

dear libby,[/font][/size]

I always wanted to show them to someone, but I was afraid they'd make fun of you, and make fun of me, and then well, yeah, there were some pretty private things in there sometimes. I wish I had shown them to someone though. Someone I trusted, because there were things you would say sometimes and I would have no idea how to respond. I think I played that I understood you a lot more than I really did, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we were just, well, you know, maybe we were making something out of nothing. Or maybe it was just me. Maybe I was making something out of nothing.

I'll stay in the DA if you'll stay. We could probably help Ginny and Luna with the younger members. I wouldn't be opposed to taking more of a leadership position this year. Oh man, it would really help to get out of the common room more often, you know?

Well, I'll see what's going on with the prefect in Slytherin then. They're obviously not making themselves known. Not a very good prefect if you ask me! Haha!

I don't even want to talk about classes. You tell me about yours.

love,
nazzy[/font][/size]

[Liberty Martin]

dear nazzy,

Really? I'm sorry. If I say something weird, let me know, please. I had no idea I was saying things like that. Do you think this is nothing? Is that what you think this is?

I'm definitely staying in the DA. Was never planning on leaving. Not sure I want to try and teach people spells, though. I can barely do some of them myself. I just like being a part of something, you know? I'd never been part of something til the DA.

I have no idea who they are. I don't really know any of them. I'd like it if you could be a prefect, though. It'd be less scary if you were there too.

All the basics, obviously, although I really wish I didn't have to take Transfig or History of Magic again. Especially HoM. I'm taking Ancient Runes and Muggle Studies for my electives. They should be good, I'm hoping. Still have no idea what I want to do after leaving here, though. I don't want to leave at all.

love,
libby